today i have been thinking a lot about the past. and boy, hindsight really is 20/20.
i think about where i am today. who i am. and what i believe.. what moves me. what makes me laugh. what makes me truly happy.
as crazy as it is to say. the answer to all of those questions is different now than if you had asked me about 4 years ago. this never ending journey to find “yourself” has been twisted. some days it is the yellow brick road and other days it is more like the road less traveled. Even four years ago i was a person who depended on others for my happiness. fear of the unknown controlled my actions and thoughts on a regular basis. i needed my friends, my family, a boyfriend to feel like i was normal and happy. yes, i believe all of those things can bring happiness but for me they were what my happiness was solely based upon. the thought of being independent and bold was a foreign and unspoken concept.
fast forward to two years ago.
the experiences my life has given me in the past few years are nothing i could have ever thought possible. all it took was seeing one door open and following through. i remember sitting in my house watching travel channel and thinking… i need to do this before it’s too late. traveling abroad was the gateway for me. i know not everyone has that opportunity, but sometimes it isn’t necessarily something that monumental. but i put myself into a situation that in any other circumstance would have scared me to death. and i think those around me were very skeptical of my decision. which is only fair because of who i was at that point. after realizing that not only did i survive but flourished in that situation helped me realize that sometimes you just need to take that leap of faith.
fast forward to today.
today that gateway has opened and a new perspective has spilled out for me. i find myself seeking the unknown and attempting to face fears rather than cower from them. i wouldn’t call myself brave, but i know that not taking advantage of opportunities because of fear will only hinder me. i feel like i’m running on a whole new level on a daily basis. surrounding myself with people who have similar attitudes also perpetuates my new positive outlook.
i have many people to thank for getting me to this point. people have helped me learn lessons both hard and easy. but regardless i am thankful. because i would go through it all again if this is where i’d be today. i know i still have many lessons to learn and experiences to be had, but i find comfort in knowing that i have a solid support system with nothing but love. and i know i will fail, but thats all part of the plan. and i feel like i’m at least on the right track.